I hate to sound like a douche, but swish swish swish

I’m proposing my theezuz tomorrow and that’s pretty outrageous. My slides aren’t completely finished, but I did take lots of time to make a list of things that I want once I defend my thesis, which won’t be for at least a month. The list is not very long but it says “Pimms cup” 4 times. I really want a surprise party but I can’t plan one for myself. I’ve never had one (THANKS FOR NOTHING MOTHER) (JUST KIDDING) (OR AM I?) but I’ve thrown loads of ’em. It’s really worth it to do nice things like that for my “friends”. I’m going to make a list of people for Stephanie and just leave it somewhere and be really disappointed when she tells me to show up somewhere and it’s just her and not a surprise party.

I’ve given so much thought to surprise parties. I already know all the things I would do, because I’ve imagined the scenario so many times. I’d walk in and put my hands over my mouth and turn around and go “AHHH” and then start cry-laughing and then say “Oh my god even XYZ is here!!” and then hug people and ask who planned it and give them a nasty look because he/she invited someone that I definitely didn’t want to be there. Then I’d wash my face and probably unbutton my pants because of the pressure and it would be so grand.

How sad.

A year ago today I was still planning on getting myself a Rick Owens leather jacket to celebrate my thesis because it was financially feasible. Today, I cannot afford beef, much less a jacket made of its casing. Much less one designed by Rick Owens. He has a naked sculpture of himself in his house and it’s really creepy-looking. I can’t afford something like that, either.

I saw Amour the other day and it was phenomenal and I never, ever want to see it again. When we left the movie and I saw a poster for it I started crying again. You sit and watch a person deteriorate and grow completely helpless for 2.5 hours. It’s not even “you’ll cry so much at the end!” It’s “you’ll cry the whole time and be so snotty and have the worst indigestion and in the morning it will look like someone socked you in both eyes”. I loved it, but with the admiration and appreciation I felt came the urge to run up to people and tell them to stop smiling because they’re going to die and it’ll be awful and the person you love the most will be hit the worst so HAVE FUN FORNICATORS